Never There
by onlyyoujarly
Summary: Jason and Liz are forced to leave PC and their families behind to protect their son. Jarly, LnL2
1. I forgive you

-1His hand hovered just inches away from her door. He wanted so badly to knock, but all the lights were out. She was probably sleeping. He imagined her hair fanned out on her pillow, and her wrapped up protectively in a man's arms, a man than wasn't him. A man that would never be him again. He considered dropping his hand, walking away, and acting like he was never there, but he couldn't do that. He wouldn't walk away from her again. Not without saying goodbye. 

His fingers skimmed her door, wanting to memorize everything related to her. Her house, the one she always talked about wanting, and the one they were suppose to share. He breathed in the night's cool air, curling his fingers in a fist, and knocking once, then twice. 

He could barely make out her golden hair flying down the stairs through the stain glass window. She opened the door, and he smiled sadly at her, as she tugged him in. He closed his eyes, willing away the tears, as she fired questions at him. "Are you alright?" "What's wrong?" "What happened?" "Is there anything I can do?" It would be the last time he would hear the utter fear she always got in her voice only when she was worried about him. 

He forced his eyes open. "The Zacharas know about Jake." Her eyes did that thing that let him know she was confused or annoyed. He had grown to love it over the years, and would miss it. "We have to leave town. Liz, Cameron, Jake, and I." Her perfect lips formed an oh. "Jason. No." Her eyes teared up. "I have to keep Jake safe." Her hand flew up to muffle her cries

All she could manage was a nod. "Carly. I'm sorry." He reached for her, his hand skimming her arm, afraid if he held her, she would pull away. "It was never suppose to be this way." Her hand moved from her mouth. "I know." She sobbed. "It was suppose to be you, me, and Michael." She smiled at the thought, as he finally mustered the courage to step close enough to wipe away her tears. 

Her hand covered his and whispered his name brokenly. "Please, don't." Yet she didn't remove his hand. "You're just making it harder for both of us." He shook his head. "Shh." He begged. "Just let me." He moved in closer, his lips lingering just a breath away from hers. She relented and allowed him to kiss her, to taste her one last time, before pulling away completely. 

Seconds, then minutes passed, dragging out as they stood there, neither wanting to say the final goodbye. He watched as she twisted her hair, another thing he loved about her. And the way she stood, after years of studying her, he could depict her mood just by her stance. It broke his heart how her brown eyes would water only for her blink the tears away. He had hurt her, again. Never again though. 

"I should go." Jason's voice finally broke the silence. "Yeah." She agreed quietly. He moved to the door, not quite ready to leave, he turned back around. "Carly." Her eyes brimmed with tears, and frown tugged at her lips, she looked at him. "Yeah." She repeated. He raised his eyebrows and said something he should have said over a decade ago, something that would have prevented all this from happening. "I forgive you." She smiled sadly, as the tears that were threatening to spill got the better of her, and he left, closing the door behind him with a soft click. It was as if he was never there.

But as she was laying in bed that night, with her husband, and as he was on his way to Europe with his 'family' the same thing crossed their troubled minds. 

They were married, with three kids, Michael, Morgan, and Jake. And Carly was pregnant with Jason's child, not Jax's, Jason's. 


	2. Doesn't Matter

**A/N-So...I have decided to continue it...lol. enjoy. read and review!**

Carly woke up that morning to Jax's smiling face, and for the first time since her wedding day she couldn't form a genuine smile. He didn't seem to notice or care as he kissed her on the temple, pulling her to him, before stretching. "Ugh. I have to get to work." He mumbled in her hair. She closed her eyes, as he got off the bed.

She didn't say anything. _"I forgive you." _She tried not to resent Jason, but she did. "A little too late now, isn't it." She murmured to herself. Her husband halted his movements, his shirt half buttoned. "What'd you say?" He asked. She plastered on a smile, and shook her head. "Nothing." His forehead creased in confusion, but he let it go. Just like she had to let Jason go. She had to, and she would!

One of Jax's hands splayed out on her thigh, the other on her stomach, as he leaned down for a quick kiss. Rubbing her stomach lovingly, he said a playful good morning to their baby, before pulling his hand away. "I'll see you when I get home." She didn't respond, instead just allowed him to exit their bedroom.

If it had been any other morning, she would have pulled him onto the bed in a fit of giggles, and stolen kisses, for one last round of love making. But today wasn't a normal day, and the flavor of Jason's lips still lingered on hers. That alone was reason enough to never touch or kiss another man again.

After spending years convincing herself she was in love with Sonny and Jax, and not once feeling Jason's touch, only to have him appear at her door last night. In those short few moments they had been everything they should have been, but then reality came crashing back. And they had children with other people, and those children came first, would always come first, even before each other.

It didn't matter that Michael was Jason's in every way. That Morgan woke up crying because he missed his 'uncle'. That every night Jason watched Liz with Jake, and wished it was her. That the baby that was now growing inside of her, was suppose to be Jason's little girl. Nothing mattered anymore. Not when everything was so messed up, and life was as cruel as it was. So uncaring. All that mattered was their family's happiness, the families they had built without each other. And if making their families happy and safe, meant being away from each other, then they would have to do it.

* * *

Jason felt Liz stir, her head lifting from his shoulder. She blinked a few times, before smiling as he came into focus. "Jason." She whispered lovingly. He waggled his eyebrows in what he hoped was a joking manner, it always made Carly laugh. A small forced giggle sounded from her, as she entangled her fingers with his.

He swallowed and tried to not flinch, as he felt her small hand slip into his. Her eyes penetrated him, attempting to read what only Carly could. He knew his distantness was worrying her, but he couldn't bring himself to care.

This should have been him and Carly. It would have, if he hadn't been so stupid. Why hadn't they just taken little Michael and ran? They should have! Why did he allow her to marry Sonny, such a loveless man? He wasted years on the sidelines, watching man after man hurt her, when he could have been loving her. Now there he was, leaving the country with a woman he would never love, and the son that constantly reminded him of what Carly, him, and baby Michael use to be.

The worst part, he was the one to blame. He was the reason for the numerous tears Carly had cried over the years, even for other men, he could have prevented them. He had promised to protect her, and until now he never realized how much he had broken that promise. A small cry alerted Jason of his son.

He glanced at Liz, and offered her somewhat of a smile, before reaching over her to unbuckle the baby and take him from his car seat. Jake gurgled up at him and Jason found himself falling in love with his son all over again. It wasn't his son's fault, he was merely another victim to his huge screw up. "If only Carly could see you, she would love you so much." He whispered to himself.

Liz laid her head on his shoulder, her brunette hair falling down his arm, but strangely it didn't bother him all that much. He focused solely on the small miracle in his arms, and thought about how Carly's baby was going to look. If she would finally get the baby girl she had been yearning for, for years. And if she did, would he be happy for her? Was he capable of watching her smile at the baby girl; she had always wanted with him, but he had always refused her; knowing she shared the small phenomenon with another man, a man that might actually deserve them, because he sure didn't.


	3. Normal

* * *

Jason shifted in his plane seat, fastening his seatbelt as they prepared for landing. He glanced over at baby Jake, who was sleeping in his car seat. He looked so innocent, and beautiful.

At least he had done one thing right in the midst of the downfall he had set off over ten years ago. He had created his son, and would do anything he could to protect him.

Liz pressed a simple kiss to his upper arm, and his eyes snapped to hers. Her blue depths contained an emptiness, and he knew she was thinking about Cameron. The baby boy he had made her leave behind.

But how was he supposed to protect a son that wasn't his, when he could barely guard himself from a broken heart.

He wanted to believe that he could love and make Liz happy, but he knew better. The only woman he had ever really loved was in New York, and he was just about to land in Europe.

* * *

Carly drug herself over to the sofa, a cup of coffee clenched tightly in her left hand. If Jason were here he would have been ragging on her about all the bad things caffeine, and coffee in general, can do to babies. But he wasn't here, so the steaming mug met her lips and she took a sip, savoring the warmth it created in her chest.

It the only thing that came remotely close to making her feel the way Jason did. She sighed, and placed her cup on the inn table. Why was it that every little thing reminded her of him.

Her eyes began to water, but she held her tears in as she spotted her boys descending the stairs. She forced an overly cheery smile, getting up from the couch. "Good morning!" She greeted, her voice raising with phony enthusiasm.

Morgan tiredly rubbed his eyes, before smiling up at his mother. "We go to the park today?" He asked, his big brown eyes widening with excitement when she nodded. "Yes, Morgan."

* * *

Liz leaned her head back against the sticky seat, and tried to fight the oncoming tears. She had left everything, the love of her life, her baby boy, and family, because of him. The least he could do was pretend he loved her, but as his lifeless blue eyes averted from hers and once again onto their son, she felt her heart break a little more.

Was it not enough that she had left in the dead of night. Not even leaving a note in fear of leaving a small hint of where they might be.

Jason had appeared at her door, and told her of the horrible, life altering news, and she had gathered as many things as she could for herself and her youngest son, not once asking any questions.

Wasn't that enough to make him love her? At least respect her, or even care just a little..?

She would do anything to protect her babies. Even if it meant leaving one of them behind, and going on the run with a loveless man.

* * *

Jason noticed the tears as they gathered in the young mothers eyes, but chose to ignore them. He knew he had caused them, just like he had caused Carly's, many times before. He was a monster. Inhuman, unfeeling, unlovable, and undeserving of any of the wonderful, selfless, beautiful women that had attempted to love him, only to be turned away because of his own stupidity and refusal to be with his soul mate.

But that's what he did, destroyed things. Everyone he had ever actually loved had ended up in pain, because of him.

Michael, the innocent little boy had been subjected to such heartache in his short life, sometimes Jason wanted to shoot himself and Sonny, just to grant the little boy a normal life.

Even though Carly was convinced he was her angel, he knew better. All the things he had saved her from, wouldn't have happened in the first place if it wasn't for him.

But he would make sure Jake had a good life, that his innocent smile never fell. It might have been too late to save himself, undo the damage to Carly, or reclaim Michael, but he would do right by his baby boy this time around.

* * *

Carly bit her bottom lip, tightly gripping the last of the dirty dishes, as she waited for Michael and Morgan to get ready. Jason's voice ripping through her last bit of sanity.

_"Just let me."_ Jason had said, and she had. And that one kiss had been everything and nothing all at the same time.

Beginning that night at Jake's, everything that meant something, meant nothing, even now. It was how they had convinced themselves and each other to be, and it was they remained, all these years.

It was normal to see the other one with someone else, and pretend it didn't hurt, that they weren't dying a little more with every kiss that wasn't shared with their soul mate.

It was to be expected that the whole Port Charles would be granted the privilege of being with her best friend before she was. That Sonny, Lorenzo, Jax, even Ric had touched her more times than Jason had.

But it was okay, and it didn't hurt, because it was normal.

Carly violently swung her arm, releasing the dish against the wall. It shattered, as her knees buckled and she landed in a pool of glass.

Her hand landed on her stomach. "fuck you, Jason." She whimpered. He had, once again, picked another woman over their babies.

She was tired, so tired of pretending to love people she didn't. She was done with lying, and letting everyone believe this baby was Jax's. That Jason didn't mean everything to her.

* * *

Jason descended the stairs of the plane, breathing his first breath of his new home. He inwardly laughed. He didn't want anything to do with home if it meant loosing Carly.

Liz appeared at his side, their son snuggled in his carrier. Unwillingly, his mind wandered to the baby Carly was carrying, and wondered if when she gave birth and it had his eyes, what people would think.

If they would assume it was because of Jax's family tree, or if a selected few would suspect him.

Carly felt strong, masculine arms lift her from the shards of glass. Her eyes remained glued to her bloody arms and legs, despite the soothing words the man was whispering.

Although she knew it wasn't Jason, as long as she didn't look up, she could keep pretending...


	4. Worst Mistake, Largest Regret

-1Carly looked up at her rescuer as she was gently placed on her sofa. It was so hard to disguise the obvious disappoint when her eyes connected with a pair of gray ones, instead of the blue one's she loved and missed.

"Carly, what the hell were you thinking?" Her uncle, Luke Spencer demanded, his eyes studying her bleeding feet and hands.

He shook his head. "I'm going to go get some bandages. Don't move."

She didn't even nod, not willing to risk moving even a fraction of an inch. She was afraid once she moved, the tears would start and would not stop.

And she couldn't afford to brake, even though she was already broken. She had every reason to live, her little boys, the baby she was carrying, a husband that loved her, everything except for what she really needed in that moment. Jason.

--

Jason placed his single suitcase on the double-sized bed, as Liz tended to baby Jake.

Unzipping his bag, he began to unpack his duplicate outfits, jeans and black t-shirts, occasionally a gray one. He imagined Carly teasing him about his lack of color, and how she would have probably dragged him, and the boys to the local mall to purchase a few orange, red, blue, perhaps even pink t-shirts to add to his wardrobe.

He found himself smiling at the thought, as his fingers skimmed over a picture, one he hadn't realized he'd packed. His breath caught in his throat as a younger, smiling version of himself stared back at him.

Almost as if he were trying to relive that moment, his thumb lovingly ran over the image of a twenty-something Carly. Her eyes were shining with pure happiness, and a baby Michael was tucked safely in her arms.

--

Liz finally managed to get Jake settled into the strange cradle, after feeding him. She wasn't stupid, she knew her baby realized that they weren't at home, and that the daddy he knew was across the country.

And Lucky **was** Jake's father! Jason was just a man that Liz had slept with. Liz's latest mistake. Just like Liz was Jason's latest mistake. They were two messed up people, who just happened to be running around on fire on the same night, and collided, burning each other and everyone around them.

She ran a hand through her hair, exhaustedly falling into the recliner beside the bed. She ached, everywhere. Her body, soul, heart. She ached for Lucky and his sweet caresses. She ached to hear Cameron's innocent laughter. She even missed Lulu.

--

Lucky smiled, as he entered his house, expecting to hear Jake's cry emitting from the nursery.

"I had the worst day…"

But when pure silence washed over his ears, making him want to scream, anything just to break the mind numbing quietness. He knew something was wrong.

Cameron's toys weren't scattered around the floor. Jake's playpen was spotless. There was no sign that his boys had ever played there.

"Liz..?" He called, his voice taking on a note of panic, as he rushed into the kitchen.

The kitchen didn't have any scent wafting from it, no cheesecake, or any indication that his wife had prepared lunch or was preparing supper.

There was no sign of life, except a small note on the counter, which he quickly rushed over to, grabbing it from the table.

_I picked up Cam from daycare. I'm taking him and Spencer to the park for a picnic. If you need anything call my cell._

_Nikolas_

He breathed in deeply. Everything was okay. Liz must have picked up Jake, came home, seen the note, and joined them. It was going to be okay.

Though something in the back of his mind told him it wouldn't be.

--

The cushions shifted, as Luke's body sunk into their softness, a wet rag and alcohol in one hand, and bandages in the other. As loving as possible, he poured the alcohol onto the rag, and gently dabbed it onto her wounded, right foot.

Carly winced, as the cool liquid began to burn. Lucky averted his attention to her left foot, taking a few moments to blow cool air on her right one.

Reaching for the gauze, he began to wrap it, tightening his grip on her ankle when she attempted to pull away from the unwanted pressure.

"Carly, what the hell possessed you to do this?" He questioned, pressing a soft kiss to her left foot, before moving to bandage the other.

She wet her lips, preparing herself for the pain, the contact of the bandage would cause. Shrugging in response to her uncle's question, she replied, "I really don't want to talk about it."

He nodded. "Well, would you rather me call Jason before I leave? I'm sure he'd like to know what's going on…" Luke offered.

She froze, her wide eyes snapping up to meet his. "No, it's alright." She insisted, looking down, trying to hide the oncoming tears.

His eyebrows furrowed, apparently concerned. Despite his better judgment, he chose not to push it, and removed his hands from her feet.

"Well, you're feet are all better now." He assured her, smiling. "But, now it's time for your hands."

--

Liz looked over at Jason, immediately noticing the photograph of Carly, Michael, and him. She smiled sadly, and whispered his name, "Jason."

Jason forced his eyes away from 'his' family _memory, _and onto Liz.

The blue orbs made her want to cry, as she realized that they truly had messed up way beyond repair. Just because of one drunken night of comfort, they were not stuck in a motel room, without the ones they really loved.

And the worst thing was, they weren't the only ones suffering.

No, she had ripped her family in two, her sons wouldn't grow up together. She would never taste her husband again.

Jason would never see his unborn baby, or be able to hold him or her. Never be able to watch as Carly rocked their little miracle, while breastfeeding.

Jason and Liz were each other's worst mistakes, largest regrets, and the reason the loves of their lives would have to live as if they were _never there. _


	5. Faded

-1_**4 Months Later…**_

_**Port Charles**_

_**Midnight**_

_**July 2008**_

Lucky ran a hand through his hair, his overworked body relaxing into the plush cushions of the sofa. Another long day spent at the station, desperately searching for any trace of Liz, any slip up, any possible leads of potential kidnappers, because he refused to believe she had just picked up and left.

The days not spent at the office, he played with Cameron, laughing, and acting as though mommy were just on an extended vacation. But his nights were always the same, sleepless and lonely.

On the rare occasions when sleep did claim him, he had nightmares, of Liz being kidnapped, tortured, killed, and Jake was always older, screaming for his daddy to help them.

He had long since moved out of the house, it contained way too many memories. A man could only handle sleeping in the same bed where he use to make love to his lost lover for so long. Eventually her scent faded, and the sheets were changed, therefore he could no longer barely make out her imprint.

But even after moving into his new two bedroom apartment, Lucky didn't have the heart to shut off anything, and found himself struggling to pay the bills for both places.

His tired eyes glanced over at the clock. Twelve minutes after midnight. He sighed, forcing his screaming muscles up from the couch to go check on Cameron. As predicted, the preschooler, was tucked safely into his bed.

Lucky didn't even bother going to his room, he already knew Lulu was asleep in his bed, it was apart of the deal. She babysat for free, if she was allowed to live with him. He didn't tell her he craved the light she brought when she was around, the same light Liz took away.

--

With Carly's due date in just a few weeks, everyone in the Jacks house were on their toes, adding last minute touch ups to the nursery, and doing everything in their power to make sure Carly was comfortable.

The little bundle of joy was presumed to be a boy, but Carly knew in the back of her mind it was a girl. She was positive. She wasn't stupid. She was carrying Jason's daughter, and despite the doctor's insistency, her mind was never changed.

Lola Mackenzie was already taking after her father, especially in the moments when Carly swore her stomach would burst open, her baby was kicking so hard.

Carly rolled her eyes, as Jax, once again, fluffed the pillows she was using to prop her very pregnant self up. Slapping his hands away, she narrowed her eyes.

"Can I not watch Days of Our Lives in peace?" She questioned, exasperated.

"Carly…you need to be cautious. I just want you and our baby safe." Jax replied, his eyes sincere.

She almost blurted out that this wasn't his child, but quickly bit her tongue, the coppery taste of her blood filling her senses. "I know, but I'm just watching T.V. Okay. Jax, I'm in bed. I have not moved all day. So if you would please move…so I could watch Lucas and Sami reunite. It would be wonderful. I have been waiting for this scene for years."

She understood his concern. Her pregnancy hadn't exactly been a walk in the park, but she needed to breath. She was…just Carly, didn't he understand that she was going to be okay. Jason would of understood.

He sighed, and hesitantly left the room. The last few weeks he had been sleeping in the guest room, thinking it was for the safety of the baby. Carly couldn't tell him it was really because she wanted to cringe every time his body brushed against hers, and it wasn't Jason.

--

_**Europe **_

_**Six A.M. **_

Jason stretched lazily, the first rays of sun shining through the closed blinds. Wincing, he sat up, rubbing his neck. He had been sleeping on the couch, as a one bed room apartment was all they could afford, and it had only come with one bed, which Liz automatically got. They had went out and purchased Jake a crib to move in the room with her.

Jake was nearing a year old now, and Liz was speaking more often of going home, back to Lucky so he could see his son on his first birthday. Jason felt her pain, he would give anything to be able to see Carly birth his child.

But they both knew that returning to Port Charles was practically suicide. The Zacharas were convinced that Liz was his lover, and would probably go after her with everything they had. Though Jason would do anything to keep Liz safe, he couldn't help but be thankful it was her they were after instead of Carly.

His eyes closed, and his breath hitched at the thought of her in danger, or worse. He could live like this, across the world, not being able to touch her, or see her, as long as he knew she was safe and at least somewhat happy. But if something were to happen to her, he wouldn't be able to handle it. A world without Carly was unacceptable.

--

Jake began to cry softly, and Liz was immediately out of bed, and picking up the troubled infant.

"Shhh, baby." She whispered, pressing her lips to his forehead, as she sat down into the rocking chair, careful not to jar him. It didn't take long for him to quiet down, and fall back into somewhat of a peaceful slumber.

She brushed her thumb over his delicate features. His skin was so soft. He was so untouched by the world, and that was why she was half way across the world, in an attempt to keep his innocence for at least a little while longer. But it seemed no matter what she did, she was doing something wrong. If she would have stayed in Port Charles they would have been in danger, but by leaving, she forced Jacob away from his daddy. How was that supposed to be maintaining his innocence?

What kind of mother was she? She had left Cameron behind, her little boy. What must he think? Waking up one day with mommy and bubby just gone.

Lucky…her precious, loving, selfless Lucky. She had left him. And for what, some hit man who could barely stand to look at her, because he blamed her for having to leave Carly and his unborn child behind. Just like she blamed herself, because it was her fault, but it was Jason's too.

Closing her eyes, she rubbed her nose in Jake's baby fine curls, relishing in the thoughts of one day, maybe, going home, back to Lucky and Cameron. Back to their family.

"Daddy loves you, so much. And he would be here if he could."

--

The end credits of _Days of Our Lives _lit up Carly's television screen, as she searched her nightstand for a notebook. Her slender fingers gripped the composition book once she found it, bringing it to her lap, and opening it.

Pen in hand, Carly began to write.

_Jase,_

_Where ever you are, I hope you are safe. If only you could see me, I'm so big! I'm about to pop any day now. I wish you could be here to see our baby. I understand though._

_ I miss you so much. You have no idea. I don't know what I'm going to do after I give birth. How am I suppose to raise our child without you? I'm going to keep this short and sweet, because I know you never liked long, sappy speeches. I'll give this to Max to send to you. _

_I love you, and hopefully I'll see you soon,_

_ Carly _


	6. Chapter 6

-1**A/N- Some of you might not like what happens in this chapter, so fair warning. But just hang on. I promise Jarly and LnL2 will get their happy endings.**

There is no Lucky in this chapter, but there will be in the next. Promise.

**Chapter 6**

_**Port Charles  
11 AM**_

Carly stood in front of the stove. Despite her large protruding stomach she still managed to fend for herself most of the time. With Jax's business trips growing more frequent, she had almost gotten used to it just being her and the boys.

But with the recent uproar of Sonny's search for Jason, had her missing her boy on the side more than ever. She partially hoped that he would find Jason, and bring him home to her and their boys.

A sudden, loud knock at the door caused Carly to drop her spatula. Taking a moment to regain her composure, she immediately recognized the desperate voice as her ex-husband's.

"Carly…I know your in there." Sonny yelled. "Open up."

She wasn't in the mood to fight with him today. Not when she saw someone as selfish as him everyday, and hadn't seen her beautiful Jason in over four months.

Waddling over to the door, her green maternity dress swaying around her legs, she swung open the door. Frustrated, Sonny entered without giving her a moment to say a word.

"Carly! Enough bullshit." He spit out. "I know you know something. Your not telling me everything. Where the hell is Jason?"

"I don't know anything." She insisted.

He sighed, trying to gather some self-control. "You don't understand, Carly. I need to know. The Zachara's are about to start a mob war. I need Jason."

Her eyebrows shot up. "And you don't think I need him! That I don't miss him every second." Her hands began to shake with all the emotions she had suppressed for so long. "You're not the only one who loves him. If you would stop thinking about yourself for a damn second, you'd realize the pain your children are going through without their uncle, and how much I need you right now, Sonny."

She watched his jaw clench, tears blurring her vision. "You are my only connection to Jason, besides the boys. I need someone who understands, someone I can actually talk to. Another adult. Someone to hold me, comfort me. Jax tries, but he doesn't understand."

Then his large, rough hands were touching her face, and she was breathing in his familiar, unwelcome scent into her lungs. Every part of her screamed to push him away, but their lips met. Their was nothing gentle about the way his tongue demanded entrance, and his calloused hands tore her dress from her pregnant body.

It was hunger. Pure hunger, but not for each other. To feel. To be as close to Jason as possible. Jason. It had always been about Jason. Always would be. Jason was her soul.

Her slender fingers, worked the buttons on his dress suit. Quickly, she became frustrated, and his three hundred dollar outfit was shredded on her living room floor.

Everything after that was a blurr. But Carly had never felt emptier in her life when she woke up next to Sonny.

* * *

_**Europe  
5 PM**_

_  
Jase,  
Where ever you are, I hope you are safe. If only you could see me, I'm so big! I'm about to pop any day now. I wish you could be here to see our baby. I understand though.  
I miss you so much. You have no idea. I don't know what I'm going to do after I give birth. How am I suppose to raise our child without you? I'm going to keep this short and sweet, because I know you never liked long, sappy speeches. I'll give this to Max to send to you._  
Jason was speechless, the piece of notebook paper clenched tightly in his hands. He closed his eyes, trying to picture a pregnant Carly sitting at the kitchen table, pen in hand, writing the letter.

I love you, and hopefully I'll see you soon,  
Carly

His eyes opened slowly, rereading it for the thousandth time. He had never found her sloppy manuscript so precious. Especially the I love you, followed by her name.

Their baby. She was going to have her soon. Without him. He wasn't going to be there for the birth of his daughter. But Jax would be. And Sonny.

He folded the letter carefully, and placed it back in the envelope. Pressing it to his lips, he inhaled the scent of the ink, and pressed a small kiss it.

Carly had touched that very envelope. Her fingers had ran across it. The warmth he missed so much, had been spread across it, not even three weeks ago.

He had to see her, soon. Even if just for a few short moments. He had to hold his little girl just once. He needed a few seconds to be selfish, to have his family.

"I'll see you soon, Carly."

* * *

Liz watched from the doorway as Jason barley held it together. At least Carly knew he was safe. She hadn't been able to give that same luxury to Lucky, and she knew he must be searching to the ends of the earth for her and Jake.

"Jason." Her voice was quiet, but he must have heard it, because his eyes opened, and he turned toward her.

"We are such horrible people." She admitted. "Aren't we?"

He nodded, having stopped lying shortly after the first week they left. She could tell he was tired of consoling her, telling her that she was worth something, that he did care, he was there.

"We don't deserve them."

Jason nodded again, as Liz advanced towards him, stopping a few feet away.

"And we are never going back. Are we?"

There was a long pause, even for Jason. The hairs on the back of her neck stood on end, as she struggled to read his expression.

She knew he would never allow it, but she couldn't help but hope. The seconds dragged on, and tears burned her eyes, as she braced herself for the usual no.

Instead, Jason simply nodded.

Her lips parted, breath hitching in her throat, as hot tears spilled from her eyes. "Lucky." She murmured. She was going to see Lucky. Soon.


	7. Chapter 7

-1**Chapter 7**

Liz looked around at the empty apartment, aside from the twin bed and crib which they were both leaving behind. Even after packing her belongings along with Jason's it still hadn't quite set it. They were going back.

She was actually going to be able to see her oldest baby's smiling face again; be able to feel Lucky's lips on hers; to wrap all her boys in her thin arms at the same time. Be able to return Jake to his true father's arms.

Her hazel eyes ventured over to the crib, where Jake was sound asleep. A small crept over her features, as she quietly tiptoed towards him, memorized by the small rise and fall of his chest.

* * *

The images were still fresh in her mind. She could still feel his lips, his teeth as he made his way down her neck, doing his best not to leave marks, but wanting to draw blood just the same. His whispered pleas, curses were still taunting as she busied herself with dressing Morgan, trying desperately to make sure he was ready in time for preschool.

Then, there it was. That pain, followed by a small pool of water at her feet. She groaned quietly, both of her hands immediately clenching her stomach.

"Jax!" She screamed, both fear and excitement racing through her. Her baby. Jason's baby. Their baby was coming now, without him there. She was not ready for this, not without her Jason. She needed him to be there when their baby girl took the world's breath away.

* * *

Jason appeared behind Liz, his large, calloused hands landing softly on her shoulders. "You ready?" He asked, though they both knew her response didn't matter.

She had to leave her family behind that horrible night, so many months ago, and her opinion hadn't mattered then. Even when she had curled herself into a ball, refusing to eat, drink, and cried for hours, her opinion had not mattered. All that mattered to Jason at that time had been keeping his son safe, not even the baby Carly was carrying had been enough to stop him. Perhaps make him think twice, but nothing was worth his son's life.

"Yeah." She answered.

And she was, in a sense. In another, she was afraid of Lucky's reaction. Would he be angry or depressed? Would he ever trust her again? Would he hate her?

Her eyes brimmed with tears. She couldn't imagine what she would do if Lucky hated her.

* * *

Not even an hour into the labor, and her forehead was already soaked with sweat, tears streaming steadily down her cheeks, and Jax's hands squeezed tightly in hers.

She let out a small moan as yet another contraction hit, her face contorting in pain. In a matter of a few short hours, her baby girl would be here, in her arms. And Jason would still be somewhere, across the damn world, not being able to hold his newborn baby.

And all she had ever wanted for him, ever since the day Jake had been born was fatherhood. Once again, he was being robbed of one of those rare, special moments between father and child. A moment that was about to be spent with Jasper Jax, another man.

If Carly weren't in so much pain, she would laugh at the irony of it all. After weeks of berating Jason about what a liar Liz was, here she was doing the exact same thing. Keeping her baby away from its true father.

Another contraction hit, but this time she allowed her hand to slip from Jax's, instead gripped the sheets. In that moment, she had decided that no matter what it took she would make sure Jason saw his daughter, even if it took searching the entire world for her soul mate.

Jax, confused and worried, brushed a few sweaty strands of hair away from her face. "Can you believe it?" He questioned, his blue eyes glowing at her with wonder. "We are actually having a baby."  
Then she felt guilty, for having ever gave this child to Jax, when she knew all along she would have to cruelly rip it away, just like Nikolas did Spencer.

Because Jax was a good man, and would probably be a wonderful father if given the chance. In her own way, she did care about him. But he would never be Jason, and he would never evoke the feelings in her that Jason did. And nothing would ever change that.

Her brown eyes narrowed as they met another pair of eyes as their owner entered her room.

"Carly…" Her name from those lips made her feel dirtier than she ever thought possible. That smile, she hated it, hated him, hated everything about them, every little detail. Especially how the entire sadistic thing had nearly torn Jason apart.

Before Carly could comprehend what was happening, the machines were beeping, her heart was racing, and the room was spinning, and she was reaching and screaming for Jason, but she couldn't find him. Then everything went black.


	8. Chapter 8

-1**Chapter 8**

Liz stared out the window, Europe appearing so small beneath her , before eventually disappearing into nothing, and it was nothing compared to Lucky. But nothing had been enough to tear her family apart.

If only she had been stronger; hadn't gone to Jason's that night. If only she had been there for her husband, dried his tears; wrapped him so tightly in her arms, drowned him in her kisses until he had no choice but to forget about the drugs, and become consumed by her, Cameron, and their unborn baby.

But she hadn't. So now she was here, sitting next to a unloving man on a plane that would return her to her lover's arms, if he would even still have her.

* * *

Jax stared at his wife through the window separating them, hoping that both his baby and Carly would be okay. Because without the family that Carly and he had built together; without Michael and Morgan to look up to him, Jax wasn't sure what would become of him.

And this baby, it was supposed to be his salvation; the reason to work a little less, to make love to Carly just a few moments longer, to actually allow his new family complete access to every part of him.

He couldn't imagine a life without Carly, the boys, or this baby. In the recent months following the news of her pregnancy, Jax had built his entire existence around his family and job.

* * *

Lucky sat down in his recliner, after another long day of searching for unobtainable answers. But no matter how many hours he dedicated to searching for the other half of his family, he never seemed to get any closer.

Maybe the Lord didn't want him to find them; maybe this was his punishment for not being there enough, for becoming addicted to drugs when he had a beautiful wife and 1.5 kids at home.

Maybe Liz was happy wherever she was. Maybe she had left willingly, in order to get Jake away from him and all his baggage. But why would she have left Cameron behind?

Lucky shook his head. No. He had searched this long, and would continue to do so until she returned or until his last breath. Whichever came first.

* * *

Jason snuck a glance over at Jake, who was dozing in his car seat. His sweet little baby boy was going to be safe again, even if meant killing every last mobster in New York. Even if it meant cutting himself completely out of his sons' life, he would do it.

He should have done it sooner. But he was only human, and the selfish part of him had wanted to be able come home to Carly, Jake, and their new baby every night; to watch her as she tended to their four children; to the family they had spent years trying to patch up. A family he was about to retear at the seams.

Because as long as he was in Port Charles everyone he loved was in danger. And he couldn't bare to watch tears cascade down Carly's cheeks as she was told of her one of her children's deaths.

A death that would be his fault, tears that would be caused by him. He couldn't let that happen. Ever. He would never be the cause of Carly's pain or loss again.

* * *

Liz's eyes widened, breath catching in her throat as they neared the landing strip. They were so close, but still Lucky felt like a lifetime away. And in a sense he was because there was no way that all this heartache could have happened during the same lifetime that Lucky had brought her such happiness.

They were two completely different lifetimes for her. And she wanted nothing more than to burn her memory of all the Jason and mob-related parts. At least then the life she was supposed to spend with Lucky would be untouched, uninterrupted.

* * *

Lucky's eyes snapped open, his entire body tingling with that feeling; the feeling he always got as a teenage before Liz's plush lips touched his.

"Daddy." The small voice of his son met his ears, and suddenly it made sense. "Wheres mommy?"

Because her son; their son sensed it too.


	9. Chapter 9

Every breath burned his lungs, his large hands trembling as he took that first step into Port Charles. He felt tears prick his eyes, the spring breeze warming his long ago frozen soul. He didn't even flinch when Liz flung herself into his arms, a laughing baby Jake between them.

His son was laughing, after nearly an excruciating year of worrying that he never would, he was laughing. Even Jake seemed to realize that he was home, and that biology didn't matter.

* * *

She could hear her heart thumping in her ears, growing stronger with each beat, light suddenly reflecting through her eyelids, piercing her eyes. She blinked a few times, and that is when she noticed the lack of another heartbeat.

She screamed, or at least she tried. Her throat was dry, and her voice raspy. She felt the light pressure of warm lips, the moisture left behind causing her to shiver. Her eyes met a pare of bright blue ones. "Jax…" she murmured, "where is she?"

* * *

Suddenly, the airport seemed eerily silent. The only sound being Jake's crying. She turned towards Jason, who already had his gun drawn.

That's when she saw him, a black ski mask and jogging suit. Not even Jason could stop the inevitable, as the other man fired his gun. She barely had time to register anything, her only rational thought being Jake, so she did the only thing she could. She dropped him, his crying from the sudden impact brought tears to her eyes, right before the bullet punctured her right breast, where, not seconds before, Jake had been.

* * *

Jax smiled, brushing away a few tendrils of her sweaty blonde hair from her forehead. "She is in the nursery. She is beautiful, and she has my eyes, but her mop of blonde hair is all you."

Carly's eyes tears brimmed with tears. Her baby had Jason's eyes. Their baby. "Is her name on the birth certificate yet?"

Jax smiled, "no, I wanted to wait for you."

She halfheartedly returned his smile, and forced herself not to flinch when he kissed her lips softly. If she were any other woman, she would possibly be the luckiest woman. Married to a selfless, caring man, and sharing a beautiful baby girl with him. A baby she was sure he would love, whether he knew the truth or not.

If she allowed herself to dwell on it too long, the look in his eyes when Nikolas had taken Courtney's baby from him almost made her regret loving Jason. A man who had denied her love for years, when this beautiful man with her loved her with everything he had.

Robin walked into the room, pushing a bassinet. Her smile was infectious, as Lola Mackenzie Jacks was placed safely into Carly's arms. The tiny bundle's hand latched onto one of Jax's fingers.

"She's beautiful," Jax whispered, leaning over to brush a kiss to the infant's forehead.

"Yeah, she is," Carly absentmindedly agreed, her eyes never straying from her precious baby,

* * *

The sound of Cameron's laugh brought a genuine smile to Lucky's face. Something that rarely ever happened anymore. His enthusiasm was contagious as Lucky watched his son's intense face as he made his action figures interact.

The shrill sound of his cell phone interrupted the peaceful moment. Probably the only one he would have the luxury of having for a while.

"Lucky Spencer," he answered routinely, most of his attention still fixed on the little boy on the living room floor.

"Mr. Spencer, your wife in the hospital. She has been shot."

Lucky's entire body tensed, his grip loosening on the phone as it fell to the floor.

"Cameron, buddy do you want to go visit your aunt Lulu?"

The preschooler nodded excitedly, completely unaware of the reason.

* * *

Jason tried his best to keep his emotions in check for the sake of his son. Suddenly, the toddler began wiggling, struggling to get free from his arms.

Confused, he searched for what had the distracted Jake. His eyes met a pair of hurt, angry, and jealous gray ones.

Shocked, he released the little boy, allowing him to fling himself into the other man's arms. "Daddy!"

He watched as Lucky's eyes filled with tears, his jaw flexing in an attempt to hold them back. He felt as if he were interrupting, that he shouldn't have the luxury of seeing such a beautiful thing unfold.

"Where is she?"

The question hung in the air. "In surgery. They are cutting the bullet out now."

Lucky nodded, before reluctantly returning Jake to his welcoming arms. His fists clenched, and Jason knew if it weren't for the toddler they both loved, Lucky would have killed him.

Both of their attentions turned to an overly excited Maxie, as she bounced on the balls of her feet. "It's a girl!" she exclaimed.

Jason's eyebrows drew together, as did Lucky's.

"You can't be serious. You are supposed to be her cousin," she motioned towards Lucky, "and you're supposed to be her best friend."

Jason eyes widened. His baby girl. His daughter.


End file.
